I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
