I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
