Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
