No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
