I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
