Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
