lets start a swedish sibling band together
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
