So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
