You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
