A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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