This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
