dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
