Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
