Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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