Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
