I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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