i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
