We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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