i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
