I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
