Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
