Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
you never un-have a 4some
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
