pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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