I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
