mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
