My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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