Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
