she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
