dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want a musical about memes.
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