it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
