Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
