We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
