That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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