i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
