No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
