I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize