she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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