So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
