I got chris browned last night
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
youre lurking in front of me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
