It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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