A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
