dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
