did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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