You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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