I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We named our party play list daddy issues
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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