The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
