maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
