the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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