This girl is more easily done than said...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
