Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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