I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
