we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
