If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize