i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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