The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
