You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who died my cat blue again?
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