went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
