I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
