I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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