Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
