Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dignity is for republicans.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
