are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
