Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
