I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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