Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
